ProEdge Life Coaching

The Follow Through: Creating Emotional Slack

When Tightness Turns Against Us

A client once showed me her planner, neatly lined with blocks of color. Every hour accounted for, every task tucked into place. At first glance, it looked like freedom — nothing left uncertain.

But when life inevitably disrupted her grid (a sick child, a last-minute meeting), she felt her shoulders tense, her breath quicken, and her jaw lock. It wasn’t the change of plans that unraveled her. It was the absence of space inside her to adjust.

That’s when it struck me: we don’t just need slack in our calendars. We need slack in our emotions.

Psychologist Donald Winnicott spoke about “holding environments” — spaces safe enough for us to stumble, adjust, and grow. Emotional slack is that holding environment within ourselves. Without it, even small setbacks feel like verdicts on our worth. With it, mistakes turn into experiments, pauses become perspective, and identity has room to expand.

Here’s the Irony: we often confuse control with capacity. We think if we tighten the reins, we’ll be more resilient. But true resilience comes from looseness — the ability to flex, not fracture.

A String with Room to Sing

Think of a violin string stretched too tight. At first, the note sounds piercing and precise, but with the smallest strain it snaps. Now picture that same string tuned with just enough give — firm, but not rigid. It hums with warmth, carries music across a room, and holds its resonance.

We’re not that different. When our inner lives are wound too tightly, even small disruptions feel catastrophic. But with a little slack — emotional space, permission to pause — we find that life doesn’t fall apart so easily. Instead, we bend, adjust, and still make music.

Emotional slack isn’t weakness. It’s what allows us to sustain a fuller sound, one that can hold both the dissonance and the harmony of growth.

Reflection:

An Invitation to Step In

As we approach the year’s final stretch, it’s tempting to double down — to tighten, to squeeze every ounce of output before December closes the books. But maybe what’s most needed isn’t another push. Maybe it’s the space to notice what hasn’t been said yet, what you’ve been holding too tightly, what wants more slack.

This is the heart of coaching: not fixing, but holding the space where you can discover the slack you need — not just in your schedule, but in how you relate to yourself.

I’m opening a handful of spots before year’s end for those who want support in creating that room.

Curiosity Corner

Quote: “The longest journey you will ever take is the 18 inches from your head to your heart.” — Andrew Bennett

Micro-experiment: This week, leave 10 unscheduled minutes in your day. Don’t fill them. Notice what arrives.

Research nugget: Studies on self-regulation show that recovery, not effort, is the stronger predictor of sustainable performance (McEwen & Sapolsky, 1995).

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